(Skeletor) “Beast Man, Trap Jaw, Mer-Man, Evil Lyn, get in here now you clots!”

(Evil Lyn) “Yes boss, what is it?”

(Skeletor) “How in Heaven’s name do you explain these PISA figures? We’ve fallen behind Eternia.”

(Trap Jaw) “Ugh dunno boss.”

(Skeletor) “What do you mean you don’t know? How have we performed so badly? What’s wrong with these teachers? I want a full scale Inquiry!”

(Mer-Man) “That wouldn’t do any good boss, it’s proven ineffective.”

(Skeletor) “Hey? What is it with you, can’t you follow direct instruction?”

(Beast Man) “Ah yes, sure. What do you want us to tell the rest of the teaching staff? We’re mandating instructional approaches? Doing more testing? Pile on the guilt with the full arsenal of analyses? Blame specific parts of the realm for underperformance?”

(Skeletor) “Are you kidding me? Let the media do all the hack work building public scrutiny, apply proper pressure through performance related pay, inviting Eternian teachers in to show us how to do the job properly, and if that don’t work, get creative, no excuses!”

(Evil Lyn) “You sure that’s wise boss, you’ll make them feel uniformed and substandard.”

(Skeletor) “Just tell em!”

Later:

(Skeletor) “Beast Man, now the teachers are distracted by the media and the public fallout, start greasing the cogs and get things in place for the next two years. If we play our cards right, we can commission a massive edubusiness to tell us what we already know by making up some test for stuff that doesn’t exist, and the thinktanks can go into overdrive to promulgate research that confirms what politicians want to hear and see happen.”

(Evil Lyn) “Ok boss, so a bit of fast policy? Anything in it for us?”

(Skeletor) “Ah, just some visibility, the chance to dominate the education debate with our cleverly coordinated blogging and PR juggernaut and cut a share in some fait accompli deals and policies. Not much.”

(Evil Lyn) “Sweet. I love for-profit education.”

(Skeletor) “Yep, and we can camouflage deeper issues with quick fixes, silver bullets and tin foil for pomme de terre’s.”

(Evil Lyn) “Ha ha, there’s a book in that, genius boss.”

(Skeletor) “Already done you oaf! We wrote it last year, didn’t you get the memo?”

(Evil Lyn) “You crafty Neo-Marxist!”